Shutting it

Sorry people, I am shutting this blog down. Sorry if I am disappointing anyone who reads this but I've run out of things to say. Hard to imagine. It has been fun to read everyone's comments and other blogs over the past few months. Right now I am focusing on other stuff but who knows, I just may start another blog up in the future. I want to wish all of you good luck!

Blake

The Friendly Skies

I'm sure some of you are going to be travelling to visit friends or family for the 4th of July weekend. The Fourth of July is a time of eating, drinking...and losing the occasional body part. Every year my family heads up to our cabin in northern Wisconsin to sit by the lake, drink, slap some mosquitos and watch the local fireworks. According to AAA, this is supposed to be the busiest 4th of July ever with an estimated 40 million people travelling. With all the planes, cars and buses around it will definitely be a busy weekend.

I've never been scared to get onto an airplane but flying is a necessary evil. The thought of having my life in someone else's hands kinda freaks me out. Especially when there are stories like this. I'm sure everyone thinks about all the what-if's before the plane lifts off the ground. Everytime I get on a plane I think about what I would do if something bad happened. I always come up with the conclusion that at 30,000 feet, me and everyone else on the plane would be fucked anyway. I know the lap belt won't help much if we go into a spiraling freefall.

I don't mean to knock air travel but there are some things I don't like about it. I can't stand the ridiculously small amount of room in the seat airline companies expect you to squeeze into. Who did they use to measure those seats, Happy, Sleepy or Bashful? I'm not that big and I feel crunched in. The asshole in front of me always puts their seat fully back right after lift off. When the flight is over, I'm walking like a baby calf. By now I'm convinced there is a FAA regulation that says a crying baby has to be on every flight.

With all that said, planes are a very convenient way to travel. You get where you need to go for relatively cheap and it's pretty fast. So wherever you go this holiday weekend, have fun. And if you are flying, keep an eye out for me. I'll be in a middle seat next to the blabber mouth with an irritable bladder and a 6-month infant.
*updated babes*

links
So they don't get the job?
That's a hell of a bust
Those dirty e-mails to Sean Connery was the tip-off
Marijuana flavored candy?
They obviously don't travel to go to the dentist

That stain won't come out

Weird gets weirder

I heard news today that Jennifer Wilbanks, the "Runaway Bride"'s kidnapping story will be made into a TV movie. Not only did the 32-year old bride-to-be land a movie deal, she also recieved $500,000 to write a book about her harrowing experience. She has a tell-all appearance on NBC sometime this week to talk about all this shit as well.

First of all I think the term "Runaway Bride" is very insulting. To Julia Roberts; that's just no way to treat an Oscar winner. To hit the nail on the head we have to come up with some new catch-phrases for Ms. Wilbanks. I thought up a few that I think work better: "Tractor-Beams", "Switch Hitter", "No Amiga de Juan" or simply "I'm Out of Pills".

If this lady is making millions off of being crazy maybe I need to rethink my life strategy. I wish I could make money off a story of how I was kidnapped, awoke in a garbage can, forced to smoke crank at knife-point and miraculously escaping using only bubble gum and a stapler. It would be about as believable as her Penthouse Forum-esque tale. Why do people these days get rewarded (and worse, media coverage) for being retarded? This lady is making a ton of dough for being crazy, faking a kidnapping, abandoning her family and wasting time and money devoted to finding her. I feel like this is bizarro world and the nutcases are in charge. Maybe I should start doing the opposite of everything I think is right, like George Costanza.

Anyways, I was thinking about who could play the real-life characters in the TV movie. Let me know if you agree:

Jennifer Wilbanks........Katey Sagal (i.e. "Peg Bundy")
John Mason (fiancee)....John Edwards
Hispanic kidnapper.......Cheech Marin
Female kidnapper........Roseanne
Bus Driver.................Pauly Shore

Well, there you have it. Ratings through the roof. Money will be in the bank and Mama Wilbanks can buy her all the medication she will need for the rest of her life. God Bless America.

links
Celebrity animal party for Bubbles? I love Jacko
He sure is "lucky"....
Just when you started to like the neighbors
Stupidest Ebay auction ever?
Celebrities Eating

Back-street's Back...oh-no...

The mega pop group of the late 1990's, The Backstreet Boys, announced the release of their newest album, "Never Gone". Yes, Backstreet is back. The "boys" that made every 12-year old girl in the USA throw her training bra onstage said they have changed their image. They are no longer the clean-cut, dancing, boy-band act they once were. Their new image is, "an adult, edgier sound that tilts more toward rock than pop." Ok that's great, but they're still gonna suck.

This comeback is not like Pink Floyd reuniting or Van Halen putting their differences aside to reunite for their fans. This comeback is not appreciated. No one wants this. Even if they entitled the new album, "We are Asstards" people would still hate them. Though it would be closer to the truth.

I really hope that this doesn't mean a resurgence of the trash these packaged pop bands from the late 90's spewed on the airwaves year after year. I never liked BSB just like I hated NKOTB back in the late 1980's. Backstreet represents everything bad about the music business. It's a marketing act, not a musical act. They are about making tons of money for record companies and themselves, not about making good music. What I think is funny is that BSB calls themselves "pioneers" of pop music. Dude, you guys don't play instruments. You couldn't perform without a track in the background and if you don't get what you want you throw tantrums like little babies.

The underlying story that I think is sad here is that this album will probably do pretty well. Their braindead fans will go to the mall to get their dose of soma. Sadly, it will also affirm to the world that this band is actually liked. And then it will be assured that they won't go away. Backstreet could be one reason why America is hated by people around the globe. Wherever the Backstreet is boys, please go back there. And for the sake of world peace, don't ever come back.

links
This proves the pussyness of the French
Something tells me an "A" is out of the question
Bears like great taste, not less filling
Ironic news story of the day