Weird gets weirder
I heard news today that Jennifer Wilbanks, the "Runaway Bride"'s kidnapping story will be made into a TV movie. Not only did the 32-year old bride-to-be land a movie deal, she also recieved $500,000 to write a book about her harrowing experience. She has a tell-all appearance on NBC sometime this week to talk about all this shit as well.
First of all I think the term "Runaway Bride" is very insulting. To Julia Roberts; that's just no way to treat an Oscar winner. To hit the nail on the head we have to come up with some new catch-phrases for Ms. Wilbanks. I thought up a few that I think work better: "Tractor-Beams", "Switch Hitter", "No Amiga de Juan" or simply "I'm Out of Pills".
If this lady is making millions off of being crazy maybe I need to rethink my life strategy. I wish I could make money off a story of how I was kidnapped, awoke in a garbage can, forced to smoke crank at knife-point and miraculously escaping using only bubble gum and a stapler. It would be about as believable as her Penthouse Forum-esque tale. Why do people these days get rewarded (and worse, media coverage) for being retarded? This lady is making a ton of dough for being crazy, faking a kidnapping, abandoning her family and wasting time and money devoted to finding her. I feel like this is bizarro world and the nutcases are in charge. Maybe I should start doing the opposite of everything I think is right, like George Costanza.
Anyways, I was thinking about who could play the real-life characters in the TV movie. Let me know if you agree:
Jennifer Wilbanks........Katey Sagal (i.e. "Peg Bundy")
John Mason (fiancee)....John Edwards
Hispanic kidnapper.......Cheech Marin
Female kidnapper........Roseanne
Bus Driver.................Pauly Shore
Well, there you have it. Ratings through the roof. Money will be in the bank and Mama Wilbanks can buy her all the medication she will need for the rest of her life. God Bless America.
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posted by blake @ 7:25 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Now I hope the goverment fines the hell out of her for using local and federal resources. If she can make all this money being an idiot, she can pay the fines. We (Americans) love stupid people and serial killers. It's a sad, sad state of affairs.
I am SO sick of the runaway bride thing already. Are we still on this? Guess there are no good tsunamis or shark attacks going on right now. Maybe I should off someone to become rich and famous. Oh, and pose for Playboy. Would that work? Jeez.
This lady has proven to the country that she's a moron. I think instead of making her pay back all that money she owes, a fair sentence would be to sterilize her so she can't pollute the world with her progeny.
I like your way of thinking, Blake!
Shelly!
What's going on....no blog updates? Are you busy writing other stuff?
throw her in jail, forget celebrity status
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