Why I hate clowns

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is staring at you? Like if they stared any harder they could burn a hole through you? As I was driving home today I felt a stare coming from the next lane over. It was a clown driving a big white van staring at me-and not in a nice way. It had the hair, the makeup, the oversized bowtie and the whole get-up. The van passed me and then cut me off. For no reason. That brings me to my point: I hate clowns.

What are clowns good for? Even as a kid I never found them funny. They wear too much makeup and dress like total assholes. Sometimes they have a talent like making balloon animals or juggling but mostly they just act like idiots. I am puzzled by the fact that some people invite (and even pay for) these morons to show up for special events like their kid's birthday.

Clowns can't be trusted because they are grown ups dressed in bright colored clothing, a big red nose and huge clown shoes. There is something very suspicious about that. The thing that frightens me is that clowns are always supposed to be happy. There's no way that anyone is comfortable, let alone happy in those outfits and all that makeup. There's a reason why you don't see ads for angry clowns or melancholy clowns. Because a non-happy clown is really scary and potentially very dangerous. I remember watching the Stephen King movie "It" when I was a kid. For a year afterwards my best friend's little sister always had to have someone in the bathroom with her. It was a scary movie because it shows what a clown gone wrong can really do.

In conclusion, clowns are just people with a mask on. They are not the happy, go-lucky characters they claim to be. Even though some people may find them cute or amusing, I can't stand them. Unless they get hurt or sever a body part, clowns will never make me laugh. So go and cry sad clown, there is no love for you here.

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